Isn’t it nice when friends, colleagues, and even siblings do things together?
This could be going out for drinks, dinner, or other social events. The atmosphere is usually electric with lots of laughter and camaraderie. But then, there are those awkward moments, which usually occur when the bill arrives.
Suddenly, there’s silence and you can hear the crickets from the nearby garden (hypothetical, of course), until a brave soul from within the group speaks up on what should be done.
Have you ever been in a similar situation?
I know I have, on several occasions. A memorable one happened a few years ago after which I knew I had to be better prepared. Here’s my story:
The Unfair Split at an After-work Dinner
A few of my girlfriends who also happened to be work colleagues decided to do the midweek drinks and finger food hangout. It was definitely a good chance to unwind from the daily grind and let our hair/weave down.
As was usually the case then, I was still working when they left for the venue, when I finally arrived, a few of them were on their second drink and some on their third. I obviously had some catching up to do but as a slow drinker, I remained on one till the end of the night. Also, by then, the finger food had been fully ‘inhaled’.
Nothing left for poor me.
So, you can imagine my shock when I was informed that the bill will be shared equally by all of us.
Oh! I felt the injustice of it all. I looked my friends in the eye hoping that somehow, I could transmit my dissatisfaction with their sharing formula. As you can imagine, this did not work (interesting how such things work for gossiping and revenge (FFT), but not for actually useful things).
I reluctantly paid my ‘share’ even though it stung, and the experience stayed with me for a while after.
I chose to share this story because I’ve realised that in life, it’s often the little things we remember and hold on to. Many of you may have been in similar situations.
In fact, I am almost certain you have.
As millennials, many of us experienced these types of social outings. This was often the case with dinners, parties, and even bridal trains(this is a whole other matter and requires its own post).
How did you navigate them?
Were you one of those who would order the most expensive thing on the menu and expect everyone to share the bill, or were you usually the more conservative, choosing only what you can afford and can comfortably pay?
May be there were also invitations you declined to avoid such awkward moments.
Whatever the case may be, I hope these few tips I am about to share will help you navigate future social outings with the courage, grace, and boundaries they deserve.
Five Ways to Spend Wisely at Social Outings
These tips will ensure you are better prepared when next you attend a social event that comes with its own costs.
1. Get Confirmation before you proceed
Before you go, confirm the dynamics of the outing and possible sharing if you’re not sure how the bill will be paid or what you are “allowed” to order. You need to be clear on what to expect. Communicate. Ask questions, find out what your friends want to do and the reason for the hangout.
It may be harder to push where you are all going out to celebrate a particular person (say for birthdays).
2. Get involved in choosing the venue or event
Getting involved means you have a say in how much money and time will be required to attend the event. Many times within the group, there are those with high tastes and expensive palettes. Try to push for a place that will be convenient for everyone’s pocket.
An even cheaper option could be to suggest a games night or potluck dinner at the home of a group member. This will generally be cheaper that dining out or attending a paid social event.
3. Ask for separate bills
This one requires some courage and learning how to articulate your position. It is not a popular request but a smart one. I went out to a restaurant recently where the waiter provided separate bills for each of us without being told.
That was very proactive (the only downside was that one of my friends had been willing to pay for everyone…you can’t win ‘em all).
4. Choose the aspect of the bills you wouldn’t mind sharing.
This is the middle ground and a good option where you believe you should share in the payment. For dinners, it may be better you all share the food and pay separately for your drinks. If you are going to the movies, you may each pay your ticket and share the popcorn.
5. Eat before you get there and buy nothing
This is definitely an extreme case and really the last resort when you believe all will or has failed.
One good thing is that it is almost impossible that you will be expected to chip in when everyone knows you didn’t have anything.
BONUS:
Create a Social Outing Budget
If you have been following some of my personal finance tips on this blog, then you know that creating a budget will help you manage your finances better. You can create
Closing thoughts: Remember that Context Matters
One of the primary reasons for group events is to promote social interactions and nurture relationships. A study on team social events in the workplace found that it built staff morale, made the work environment friendlier, and also increased team collaborations.
This is important and shows that there are instances where attending these events and paying is more vital than the money you believe you may have saved if you didn’t attend.
However, you have to be mindful of what you say yes to and how often you do these meet ups.
Do you have any similar stories?
Please share.
Oh, yes! This is such a relatable topic! I’m the agreeable type who will usually go with whatever the group “leader” decides, haha. I do love when servers just give everyone their own bill, so it’s not so awkward! I definitely feel awkward most of the time anyway, so this helps! Nice post!
This is a touchy topic when dining with a group. It reminds me of an episode on Friends where 3 of them wanted to dine big and the other 3 were scraping by.
Great tips! I’m currently working towards paying off debt (vigorously) so any tips to save money are so helpful! I still try to go out and do things with coworkers and friends, so I’ll be using these tips next time!
This is great advice for saving money. I always try to eat (if only enough to not be hungry!) before going anywhere and since I started, I’ve noticed I tend to opt for the less expensive food option or forego buying anything at all! Great post.
I can relate to this so much! Great tips!
Hi Taeya, I’m glad you do. Thank you 😃
What great tips! This thrifty girl who is actively saving for retirement loved them all!
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