The average person spends most of their waking hours at work, yet, it is one place we often struggle to find our place and create lasting bonds.
Yes, I have heard it said that your co-workers are not your friends. I understand this sentiment, but I also know that having such a mindset can stop us from keeping and maintaining great relationships in the workplace.
For a place where we spend significant amounts of our time, it makes sense that the workplace experience should be enjoyable and not just tolerable.
No, they don’t have to be your best friends, but you can maintain cordial and even pleasant relationships at work.
Personally, I am still on good terms with some of my past colleagues even though I have been out of full-time employment for almost a decade. Today, some of those people have become like sisters and some are now my clients.
Why we fail to Invest in our Work Relationships:
While I advocate for fostering friendships in the workplace, I have also heard and know of quite a few horror stories. There are different reasons why building a good relationship just won’t work. Here are a few:
1. We believe the work environment is toxic.
Have you noticed that we seem to hear more about toxic work environments? There are hordes of successful Hollywood movies that have exploited this trope, from Devil Wears Prada to The Proposal and even Set it Up.
There is this idea that the office is a jungle where co-workers are out to get you and your boss is looking for whom to sacrifice.
While I know real life situations that are highly toxic, I imagine they are not all bad.
For instance, can you honestly say your workplace is toxic? Remember that the fact that one person continues to make your life hell doesn’t automatically make the entire office a terrible place (unless you have reported this, and HR or Mgt. has failed to act on it).
2. We can’t be bothered.
Another reality about the workplace is that we can’t be bothered to try. We can’t be bothered to get to know the people we see every day and work closely with. There is this invisible wall we have constructed to avoid chit chat and anything vaguely personal from happening in the workplace.
3. Remote work makes it harder to engage and build relationships outside of work.
The pandemic showed us that while remote work provides flexibility and saves on commute time, it also reduced opportunities to connect with those we work with outside of work.
A 2023 study on team dynamics in a remote work environment found that team cohesion deteriorated until remote team building activities we introduced and consistently performed.
4. We believe that our work life is not our real life.
Ever watched Bridget Jones Diary? Did you notice how she was generally put together at work but a total slob, always harried, and budding alcoholic at home?
I think so many of us put on a different face when we are at work. And we hardly ever want these two worlds to collide. And the farther our work personalities are to our true personalities, the harder it is to foster real and meaningful connections at work.
5. We erroneously believe our work life is just a small part of our life.
I think one of the reasons some of us don’t invest in our work relationships is because we believe it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. We believe our work life is just a small part of our entire lives.
But if you know and agree that time is your most valuable currency, and you also acknowledge that a huge chunk of that is spent at work, then you realise that growing the right relationships at work has a direct connection to all that you do.
Benefits of having Good Relationships with Your Co-Workers?
1. It improves teamwork.
The more cordial you are with your colleague the less friction you’re likely to have. This doesn’t mean there won’t be arguments or disagreements, but they are more likely to be handled respectfully.
2. It creates a friendly and less toxic work environment.
A workplace where people like each other is usually a peaceful and less toxic environment. You get the sense that no one is out to sabotage you and there is less room for unhealthy competition.
3. You engage in activities both in and outside of work.
One of the things I loved about my jobs were our after-work activities, I shared the story on one here.
We would usually go out for drinks/dinner on some days, on others we go see a movie, a play or go bowling.
And if you’ve ever been part of these types of group activities, then you know how fun they can be.
4. You may end up with life-long friends and partners.
I have heard countless stories of co-workers who ended up dating or getting married, and others who became best of friends.
Five Ways to build Useful Relationships at Work.
1. Engage
There is this saying: “he who wants friends must himself be friendly.”
Smile more often, ask how people are doing and mean it. Where possible, engage in conversation. Of course, this is not a call to faff around or engage in extended water cooler conversations and gossip.
More so, you can also suggest after work activities or invite others to lunch. You may be surprised that people are often much more than they seem and tend to be more interesting than we imagine.
2. Be Authentic.
Be true to yourself. As we mentioned earlier, your work life is a big part of your life. It is your real life. Avoid pretence and hiding yourself. Yes, you want to be ‘very demure and very mindful’ but that no reason to not be able to speak up or share your opinions, even if they may be at odds with everyone’s.
“True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are. It requires us to be who we are.”
Brene Brown (“Braving the Wilderness”)
3. Serve
You are at work to provide a service. In actual you are not only providing your skills and services to the company but also to your colleagues, and the better you are at doing this, the more likely you are to make the work process better and
Anyone who has ever worked in a team knows how annoying it is to have that one or two teammate who fail to do their tasks or fail to do it right. You don’t want to be that person.
4. Share
The person who is willing to share ideas, to share ways to make the work experience better, faster, and more enjoyable will tend to have people garner towards them.
5. Create Healthy Boundaries.
Maintaining healthy boundaries is a key part of building relationships in and outside of work. By healthy boundaries, I mean respecting your values and those of others, being vocal about the things that matter to you, and not shying away from saying or receiving a “No”. This level of honesty and authenticity reinforces your boundaries, while also helping others to understand you better.
Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries at work is also important to ensure that your work is not compromised.
Curate Your Work Relationships
Here’s the thing: you get to choose what type of relationships you have with your colleagues.
Choose well.
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