6 Simple Ways to Live Your Life with No Regrets.

When you look back on the last decade, what stands out to you?

Do you recall the things you did, the relationships you nourished or is it mostly filled with guilt and regret over missed opportunities and experiences?

I have realised that our minds tend to focus on the things we have not done and not always on the things we have achieved.

If you have lived the last few years burdened by a list of things you wished you had done, and you are tired of feeling like you missed out on life, then I believe this post is for you.

Keep reading to learn practical ways to live a life with no regrets.

Why you Should live a Regret-free Life

There is something interesting that happens as we grow older; we become more aware of own mortality and the fact that life is transient. We realise we do not have all the time in the world, and acting like we do will only leave us frustrated and in a pool of regret at the end.

And here’s the thing. Living in regret helps no one. Rather it stifles us and often leaves us stuck in a cycle of ‘shoulda, woulda beens’.

Regret here means a deep feeling of sadness or disappointment over what one ought to have done or failed to do.

When I think about living a life of no regrets, one book comes to mind: The Top 5 regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware.

The author was a former nurse who worked in palliative care, with patients who had a short time left – usually about 3 to 12 weeks.

Ms Ware mentioned that many of her patients had regrets but all of them also found peace at the end.

Here were the 5 biggest regrets she recorded:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

Start with this One Thing

When I look back on my life and the life many others, there is one word that stands out if we wish to live without regrets, and that is COURAGE.

Courage undergirds every other step I will be mentioning below.

It is impossible to live a great life without courage.

Courage is the “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, and difficulty.” (Merriam Webster)

According to Ryan Holiday, courage is one of the principal virtues of life. He says “courage is honest commitment to noble ideals. The opposite of courage is not, as some argue, being afraid. It’s apathy. It’s disenchantment. It’s despair. It’s throwing up your hands and saying, “what’s the point anyway?” (in “Courage is Calling”)

Brendon Burchard in his book, High Performance Habits, says courage is one of six high performance habits for those who want to succeed for the long term. Through careful research and countless stories, he found that those who demonstrate courage tended to succeed much faster and for much longer than those who did not.

Courage is the wind to our wings and the force to our gallops.

It is courage that pushes you out of your comfort zone. It gives speed to your dreams and strength to your convictions.

Build courage. Cultivate it every day and see your life change forever.

How to live with no regrets (Six ways to try):

1. Get comfortable with knowing yourself.

One of the most popular lines from Shakespeare is “To thine own self be true.” Taken from Hamlet which reinforces the fact that fulfilment is on the other side of living an authentic life and one that is true to your values and beliefs.

But one of the biggest obstacles to living a fulfilled and happy life is failing to do the inner work.

The inner work here implies knowing who you really are. It’s about knowing:

• The things you like.
• The things you don’t
• Your values and belief system
• What matters to you and how far you had be willing to go to achieve them.

2. Pursue Your Dreams not the Expectations of others.

According to Bronnie Ware, the most common regret of the dying was: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

The first time I read this, I felt a deep ache in my chest.  It felt like the thing that had been gnawing at me had finally found a voice. A voice that had been longing to be heard.

And you know what makes this worse; the fact that we are not always aware that we are living out other people’s scripts for our lives. We may not even realise that we are dancing to the wrong beat rather than living out the life we were created to live.

Last night, I thought back to something that happened almost a decade ago but remains a cautionary tale of the dangers of allowing other people dictate your path.

I had gotten admission into a master’s program that I thought was a dream come true. Under the program, I would spend a semester in a different European country, and the best part was that I could afford the tuition.

When I told my family, I imagined they would be excited about the program and opportunity, but they shut it down. They told me that none of the schools in question was a “well-known” school. After thinking about it, I decided to turn down the opportunity and look for a job instead.

This was a big mistake.

I let go of a life-long dream of living in France and Italy (albeit for a couple of months) just because it didn’t seem exclusive enough for some of my loved ones.

I don’t know what you own story is. I imagine we all have many things we did or didn’t do that continue to gnaw at us.

I hope my story is a reminder to forgive yourself, but also promise yourself that when you have another opportunity to chase your dreams, you will not ignore it on the back of people’s expectations.

3. Be honest with yourself and with others.

I have learned time and again that avoiding the truth always does more harm than good. We may believe that we are doing the right thing. It may even seem right in the interim, but sooner rather than later, we may find that lies and coverups are never a substitute for the truth.

For one thing, it would have eroded the trust and goodwill you had.

A recent experience comes to mind.

So, I had made a mistake on a client’s invoice. We had charged her more for one of the items she got, I didn’t realise this until a couple of weeks later. At first, I considered letting it go as I didn’t want to look incompetent to her, but my conscience wouldn’t let it rest, particularly because I know how important integrity is in business. I finally informed her of the error and asked for her account details to make a refund.

She was so surprised and made a statement that has stayed with me since then.

She said: “Thanks for being honest. You have a lifetime customer in me…”

Woah!

Imagine that rather than looking foolish, her esteem and respect for us grew.
That was truly a humbling experience.

I learned a few things from this experience:

• Telling the truth will often be hard and extremely awkward but it is always the best option.
• Finding a better way to tell the truth is better than finding a way to lie or cover up.
• A honest person may not always be liked but you will be respected and people will believe you.
• Honesty starts with you.
• You are more likely to regret lying than to regret telling the truth.
• Honesty is freedom.

4. Forgive Yourself every day. 

There are days where I think that messing up is a human past time.

It just seems like we can’t get enough of making mistakes or doing things that go against our values.

This is a good reason to always extend grace to yourself. It’s realising that you may still do things the wrong way even with your best intentions.

One cornerstone of the Lord’s prayer is to asking God to ‘…forgive us our sins even as we forgive those who sin against us.”

And the biggest culprit whom we must continually forgive is ourselves. We are the ones that let ourselves down the most, we are the ones that betray our inner self the most, basically, we are often our worst enemy and it takes wisdom, humility, and grace to address this in a healthy and wholesome manner.

Which is why I advocate for a daily practice of forgiving yourself.

Because there is always something to forgive and the earlier, we start the better our relationship with ourselves will be.

In addition, forgiving yourself is one part of the equation, you must also be willing to remedy the situation where possible, so it doesn’t become another regrettable incident.

5. Embrace Growth in all its Ramifications.

Growth is not always easy nor welcome, but it is a beautiful part of living an abundant life. Growth is synonymous with success.

It is the process of shedding layers of ignorance and disbelief for knowledge and understanding.

But real and meaningful growth must be intentional. It must be borne from a place of knowing where you are are and where you want to be.

Here are a few things to remember if you wish to embrace growth and life-long learning:

• Be okay with starting over. This could mean looking like an amateur or a bit foolish.
• Overcome the allure of wanting to be liked.
• Don’t half-ass the learning process. Go all in. That’s the best way to retain the knowledge and implement it.
• Be open to the changes required. Reinvention is a by-product of the process.
• Don’t dim your light for anyone.
• Be okay with maintaining healthy boundaries, including saying ‘no’ boldly and rejecting unwanted advances.

6. Die Empty.

One reality is that we all have one shot at life on earth, and it is up to us to make the most of it.

One way to do this is that you live out your life fully and from a place of abundance, contributing your absolute best to all that you put your mind to.

That way, you know you have done your part, and you can leave this world empty of all the incredible gifts, talent, and resources God deposited inside of you.

This is something we owe ourselves and the generations to come. These days we hear a lot about leaving a legacy, and this is such a powerful motivation. But don’t make the mistake of waiting till you’re in your sixties and seventies to start “giving back”.

You can start today with the choices you make and the things you do.

You can Reinvent Your Life Today

It is never too late to start over again.

You can change your life this year, this month and even this very moment. It all comes down to the choices you make and what you are willing to do the live the kind of life you will be proud of.

While I believe you can reinvent yourself, I hope you take action today rather than wait for some perfect time in the future to start your transformation journey.
Here’s wishing you all the best.

For more support and strategies to change your life, you can sign up to the waitlist of our Dream Life Accountability Program where I provide structure and support to help you achieve your goals and dreams.